On our visit to Ocean City, NJ a week or so ago, I sat on my chair looking out at the Atlantic and day dreaming. My dreams were interrupted by life guard whistles and my attention was drawn to the back of the lifeguard chair and a sign that read "Watch Your Children". My first reaction was "Hey I just paid ten bucks to be down here on the beach with life guards, maybe you could keep an eye on them.", it was a gut reaction made without thought and fueled by laziness. I knew where Abby and Carter were, they were digging in the sand a few feet away, and with the help of some other children had formed a hole large enough to bury a Honda.
Still, I took the advice of the sign and instead of staring at the water I stared at Carter. I tried to really focus on what he was doing, to figure out what he might be thinking. He was working really hard at digging, in a matter of a few minutes the kids had met and established distinct working roles in the construction of this hole. He was clearing sand from the front and placing it in a pile behind him, where another child would pack it down. He took his "job" very seriously, he made sure to place the sand exactly where the other child needed it. I imagined that he must have felt that his job was very important, because he was very intent on doing it right. I enjoyed his facial expressions and even his occasional frustration when the wall caved in. We talked about it later and he told me about the plan that the group had for the hole and how they were building it.
I spent some time watching Abby as well. She was a water gatherer. Her "job" was to take a bucket down to the ocean and bring back water to fill in the mote. It was clear that Abby's mind works differently than Carter, just based on their movements. Abby works hard too, but when she goes from the job site to the sea it's a dance. I can tell there is a song playing in her mind and I'm not sure if she notices anyone else is around her. She has a wonderful capacity for losing touch with the real world. It's a skill that can be very frustrating if you are trying to get her to focus on homework, but one that will probably allow her to imagine and create things that other people can't envision.
So in the end I was glad that I took the time to really watch my kids. I think I will do it more often in the future.
Still, I took the advice of the sign and instead of staring at the water I stared at Carter. I tried to really focus on what he was doing, to figure out what he might be thinking. He was working really hard at digging, in a matter of a few minutes the kids had met and established distinct working roles in the construction of this hole. He was clearing sand from the front and placing it in a pile behind him, where another child would pack it down. He took his "job" very seriously, he made sure to place the sand exactly where the other child needed it. I imagined that he must have felt that his job was very important, because he was very intent on doing it right. I enjoyed his facial expressions and even his occasional frustration when the wall caved in. We talked about it later and he told me about the plan that the group had for the hole and how they were building it.
I spent some time watching Abby as well. She was a water gatherer. Her "job" was to take a bucket down to the ocean and bring back water to fill in the mote. It was clear that Abby's mind works differently than Carter, just based on their movements. Abby works hard too, but when she goes from the job site to the sea it's a dance. I can tell there is a song playing in her mind and I'm not sure if she notices anyone else is around her. She has a wonderful capacity for losing touch with the real world. It's a skill that can be very frustrating if you are trying to get her to focus on homework, but one that will probably allow her to imagine and create things that other people can't envision.
So in the end I was glad that I took the time to really watch my kids. I think I will do it more often in the future.
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